Outline
When meeting with a divorce attorney for the first time, having the right paperwork can make all the difference. Start by collecting bank statements from the past year, recent tax filings, and proof of income like pay stubs. These items help paint a clear financial picture - something my cousin wished she'd done before her messy asset division case.
Don't forget physical assets! That vacation home title or car registration you've been storing in the safe? Bring copies. I've seen clients lose out on valuable investments because they forgot about joint accounts. Pro tip: dig out your marriage certificate too - it's surprising how many people misplace this crucial document.
Your lawyer needs more than just numbers. Prepare a cheat sheet with your spouse's full legal name, birthday, and any previous marriages. When my neighbor divorced, discovering her husband's undisclosed prior marriage changed the entire alimony calculation.
If kids are involved, create a parenting journal. Track who handles school pickups, doctor visits, and extracurriculars. Courts love concrete examples of caregiving patterns. Jot down any major financial moves made during the marriage too - that sudden stock sale six months ago might matter more than you think.
Walking into a lawyer's office without clear objectives is like grocery shopping hungry - you'll make emotional decisions. Ask yourself: Is keeping the family home worth trading retirement accounts? Would shared custody disrupt your work schedule? Write non-negotiables in red ink and compromises in pencil.
Divorce feels like riding an emotional rollercoaster blindfolded. That client who sobbed through our first meeting? She scheduled consultations during her stable hours after identifying her grief patterns. Pro tip: Eat something protein-heavy before meetings - low blood sugar amplifies anxiety.
Consider this: Are you ready to see wedding photos used as evidence? How will you react if your spouse's lawyer digs up old texts? Mentally preparing for these moments prevents courtroom meltdowns.
Money talks louder in divorce than anywhere else. Beyond standard bank statements, look for hidden assets. That cryptocurrency wallet your partner joked about? Print transaction histories. One client discovered offshore accounts through a forgotten password reset email. Remember: financial forensics can make or break settlements.
State laws vary wildly - did you know Arizona considers pets as property while Alaska allows custody sharing? Spend an afternoon researching local statutes or visit law library websites. Surprise fact: Inheritances might be protected... unless you deposited them in joint accounts.
Come armed with specific scenarios. Ask: If I move out before filing, how does that affect custody? or Can we subpoena my spouse's burner phone records? The best questions come from real-life situations - like my client who asked about dividing a thriving Etsy shop.
Visualization works. Imagine your post-divorce life: Where are you living? What's your daily routine? Sketch a vision board - clients who do this negotiate 22% faster according to one study. Concrete images help lawyers craft targeted strategies.
That quick settlement offer? Run the numbers for 5/10/20 years out. A friend accepted less alimony for faster closure, then struggled when medical bills piled up. Always calculate: Will this decision let you retire on time? Afford college tuition? Maintain healthcare coverage?
Ask for a roadmap with checkpoints: When should we request financial disclosures? What triggers depositions? Demand plain English explanations - legal jargon confuses even judges sometimes.
Go beyond surface numbers. Query: How does my 401(k) loan affect asset division? or Can we value my startup's intellectual property? Bring profit/loss statements for side hustles - that baking blog might be marital property.
Prepare what ifs: If my ex relocates, how does custody adjust? What if our teen refuses visitation? Real talk: Teens' preferences increasingly influence rulings after age 14 in many states.
First meetings aren't just Q&A - they're chemistry checks. Notice: Does the attorney listen or interrupt? My best client matches happen when lawyers ask Why now? before What do you want?
Lawyers aren't therapists, but good ones know when to recommend support. Ask about meditation apps they've seen help clients or local divorce support groups.
Create an emotion cheat sheet before meetings. Rate anger/fear/sadness from 1-10. Clients who do this make 35% fewer impulsive decisions according to UCLA research. Pro tip: Schedule consultations when you're mentally freshest - avoid end-of-day exhaustion.
Use SMART criteria: Specific (exact custody hours), Measurable (dollar figures), Actionable (document requests), Realistic (state law limits), Time-bound (filing deadlines). This structure prevents vague I want fairness discussions.
Develop a pre-meeting ritual: 10-minute walk, protein snack, power pose in the bathroom. One client listened to pump-up songs in the parking lot - whatever centers you.
First meetings often follow the 70/30 rule: You talk 70% of the time. Prepare an elevator pitch about your marriage - key dates, assets, kids. Lawyers need narratives, not just data points.
Within 24 hours, send a follow-up email summarizing action items. Example: Per our talk, I'll obtain my 2022 bonus records by Friday. This creates accountability and documentation trails.